Typical day with Emmett Cullen Jacob Black
by beachxbabe127
Summary: Have you ever wondered what a day in Emmetts life consists of? Well mostly tourmenting his family. So read this its hilarious ALSO- the second chapter is a day in the life of Jacob Black- PLEASE PLEASE rate and review-i luv hearing wut ppl think!
1. Emmett's Typical Day

A day in the life of Emmet Cullen

10 AM- stop 'having fun' with Rosalie long enough to check the time.

10:01 AM- freak out about how late it got

10:05 AM- make fun of Jacob for the way he makes breakfast badly

10:10 AM- hide food from Jacob while he gets Renesmee

10:11 AM- wait for Jacob to stop trembling long enough to throw the food at him

10:12 AM- watch Jacob remake breakfast- laughing at him

10:20 AM- sit down with Jacob while he eats and stare at him with a death glare the whole time to make him feel awkward

10:30 AM- listen to Renesmee yell at me for doing it

10:40 AM- Edward and Bella come to the main house- make fun of them for what they had been doing all night

10:45 AM- laugh at Renesmee's disgusted face and Bella's embarrassment

10:46 AM- tell Renesmee how she was made

10:47 AM- receive death glare from Edward, Bella, and Renesmee

10:50 AM- arm wrestle Bella

10:51 AM- victory dance

11:20 AM- gets death glare from Rosalie for messing up her hair during the dance

11:30 AM-watch Rosalie brush her hair

12:30 PM- Charlie comes to visit

12:31 PM-sex jokes to Bella and Edward

1:00 PM- Renesmee storms out of the room with her ears plugged and Charlie leaves

1:01 PM- roll on the ground laughing hysterically

1:30 PM- get death glare from Bella and Edward

1:36 PM- Renesmee comes back with her cheeks flushed

1:37 PM- Jacob makes lunch

1:50 PM- throw out lunch when he leaves the room

1:55 PM- get yelled at by Jacob

1:56 PM- Jacob starts making lunch (again)

2:09 PM- breath on Jacob's food

2:10 PM- sit down and give Jacob death glare while he eats

2:15 PM- get death glare from Renesmee

2:17 PM- grab Alice and hold her against a wall, stare down at her to make her feel short and sing the oompa-loompa song

3:00 PM- let go and receive death glare

3:03 PM- Alice starts giggling and drags Bella to the mall (literally)

3:04 PM- grab recesitation paddles and play doctor with Jacob (zap him with them) while Carlisle races after him

3:10 PM- Carlisle catches up while Emmett tries to turn up the intensity of the zap.

3:11 PM- receive death glare from Carlisle while Jacob ices his butt.

3:12 PM- sing "ice ice baby" into Jacob's ear

3:20 PM- watch Renesmee try to calm Jacob down

3:21 PM- Jacob stops trembling

3:22 PM- go hunting with Jasper

4:22 PM (while hunting)- rip off a bear's head, put it on and gallop towards home screaming "I'm Jacob, I'm Jacob!!"

4:30 PM (still screaming and galloping around)- receive death glare from all werewolves 5:00 PM- stop galloping with bear head on

5:01 PM- get yelled at by Rosalie for messing up the shirt she bought for him

6:00 PM- Jacob starts making dinner

6:25 PM- Jacob attempts to yell for Renesmee so the food doesn't get taken

6:26 PM- Run and pin down Renesmee

6:27 PM- Hear Jacobs heavy footsteps to get Renesmee and run to hide food

6:28 PM- Throw food at Jacob and yell food fight!!!!

6:28 PM- Jacob refuses to do food fight

6:29 PM:- Continue to throw entire contents of kitchen at Jacob

7:05 PM- Hear everyone coming to see what's going on

7:05 PM- Start screaming.. "JACOB STOP PHASING AND DESTROYING THE KITCHEN! All I did was say I made dinner for you and Renesmee"

7:06 PM- Esme doesn't believe that it was Jacob and gives me the death glare

7:10 PM- Bella and Alice get back from shopping.(Bella runs and grabs Edwards hand to go to their cottage while Alice has a superior smile on her face)

7:11PM - Esme makes me clean kitchen

8:00 PM- Wonders if I haven't annoyed any one yet..

8:10 PM- sits on the couch with Jacob and starts screaming, "Damn it Renesmee, how many times did I tell you not to let pets on the couch."

8:11 PM- gets bone from bear head (from earlier hunt)

8:12 PM- throws it at Jacob and yells.. "GO FETCH"

8:13 PM- waits for Jacob to stop trembling

8:20 PM- yells "FINALLY THE DOG STOPS SHIVERING!! GEEZ JACOB…GET SOME SELF-CONTROL!"

8:21 PM- laughs hysterically as Jacob looses control and phases

8:22 PM- wrestle with Jacob

8:23 PM- Renesmee starts screaming "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" and jumps on my back

8:24 PM- Carlisle comes and pulls me off Jacob

8:27 PM- receive death glare from Carlisle, Esme, Renesmee, and Jacob while Jasper high fives him.

8:29 PM- tip toes out to cottage

8:30 PM- stands outside and screams "OH MY GOD THAT'S GROSS!! EEEW MY EYES!!"

8:32 PM- everyone runs out to find Bella and Edward staring at him like he's crazy

8:33 PM- laughs hysterically while others get mad and go back inside

8:35 PM- receive death glare from Bella and Edward

8:37 PM- brings Edward inside quickly to show him what he did to Jacob before it heals

8:40 PM- receive high five from Edward…he starts watching TV

8:45 PM- sneaks out and grabs Bella and drags her into the living room

8:46 PM- pretends to bite Bella and screams "I HAVE NO SELF CONTROLL…I'M JASPER!!!!!!"

8:47 PM-rolls on floor laughing hysterically

8:49 PM- stands up and receives death glare from whole room

8:55 PM- goes to 'have fun' with Rosalie for the night


	2. Jacob's Typical Day

Typical day in the life of Jacob

10:00 AM- wake up and go to see Renesmee (who is now fully grown)

10:05 AM- start making breakfast with Emmett making fun of me

10:10 AM- go to get Renesmee for breakfast

10:11 AM- come back and find out that Emmett took the food…try to stop trembling

10:11 AM- get breakfast thrown at me by Emmett

10:12 AM- remake breakfast

10:20 AM- get death glare from Emmett while eating

10:30 AM- storm out of room while Renesmee yells at Emmett

10:32 AM- cry in the bathroom about what Emmett did and wonder why he hates me

11:00 AM- breath on all of Rosalie's things

11:05 AM- try to come up with new blonde jokes to tell to Rosalie

11:10 AM- watch Rosalie get mad when she smells her things

11:11 AM- check on Leah and Seth (who are on patrol)

11:45 AM- listen to Emmett make sex jokes about Bella and Edward to Charlie

1:00 PM- follows Renesmee out of room

1:01 PM- watch TV with Renesmee

1:36 PM- watch Renesmee go back into other room

1:37 PM- start making lunch

1:50 PM- get Renesmee for lunch

1:54 PM- come back and find out Emmett threw the food out again

1:55 PM- yell at Emmett

1:56 PM- start making lunch (again)

2:10 PM- receive death glare from Emmett while eating (on the food Emmett breathed on…yuck!)

2:15 PM- walk out with Renesmee (after she gives Emmett death glare) and start making out with her

2:20 PM- (Edward walks in) get chased around the forest by Edward

3:00 PM- fight with Edward

3:01 PM- Renesmee and Carlisle come out to break it up

3:03 PM- get shocked by Emmett (using Carlisle's recesitation paddles)

3:10 PM- watch Carlisle catch up and yell at Emmett

3:11 PM- ice my butt from where he shocked me

3:12 PM- listen to Emmett sing "ice, ice baby" into my ear

3:20 PM- Renesmee tries to calm me down

3:21 PM- I get myself under control

3:22 PM- relax once Emmett leaves to go hunting

3:23 PM- run with Leah and Seth for a while

4:22 PM- see Emmett galloping towards home with a bear head on screaming "I'M JACOB, I'M JACOB!!"

4:30 PM- give Emmett death glare

5:00 PM- Emmett finally stops galloping around

5:01 PM- laugh while Rosalie yells at Emmett for ruining his shirt

6:00 PM- I start making dinner

6:25 PM- yell for Renesmee to come so Emmett can't take the food

(Emmett runs and pins Renesmee down so she can't go eat dinner…without Jacob knowing)

6:27 PM- wonder why Renesmee isn't coming and goes to get her

6:28 PM- Emmett throws food at me and yells 'food fight', but I refuse to have a food fight with him

6:29 PM- Emmett continues to throw entire contents of kitchen at me

7:05 PM- everyone comes to see what's going on and Emmett screams "JACOB STOP PHASING AND DESTROYING THE KITCHEN! All I did was say I made dinner for you and Renesmee"

7:06 PM- laugh while Esme doesn't believe it was me and gives Emmett death glare.

7:10 PM- Bella and Alice get home (Bella and Edward escape to their cottage)

7:11 PM- hides in bathroom and cries about how mean Emmett is to him

8:00 PM- watches TV with Renesmee on the couch

8:10 PM- watch as Emmett comes in room and screams "Damn it Renesmee, how many times did I tell you not to let pets on the couch?!"

8:12 PM- Emmett throws bone at me and yells "GO FETCH!"

8:13 PM- try to get back under control and top trembling

8:20 PM- Emmett yells "FINALLY THE DOG STOPS SHIVERING!! GEEZ JACOB…GET SOME SELF-CONTROL!"

8:21 PM- loses control and phases

8:22 PM- tries to kill Emmett (but fails and is pinned down with Emmett on top of him, laughing hysterically)

8:24 PM- Carlisle comes and pulls him off me

8:27 PM- give Emmett death glare along with Carlisle, Esme, and Renesmee, while Jasper high fives him

8:30 PM- hear Emmett scream "OH MY GOD THAT'S GROSS!! EEEW MY EYES!!" from out by the cottage

8:32 PM- everyone goes out to see what all the yelling is about

8:33 PM- get annoyed when I realize its nothing and go back inside

8:37 PM- sees Emmett and Edward walking in- Edward high fives Emmett when he sees what he did to me during the fight

8:40 PM- Edward sits down next to me and starts watching TV

8:46 PM- sees Emmett drag Bella into the room and pretend to bite her screaming "I HAVE NO SELF CONTROLL…I'M JASPER!!!!!!"

8:49 PM- whole room gives Emmett death glare

8:55 PM- goes out to patrol for a while

11:00 PM- goes to sleep for the night once I'm sure Emmett's not going to do anything to me


End file.
